Anxious

So I'm strugglin' a bit.

I know how blessed I am and how long I waited to be so blessed. I truly appreciate the gift of love that's growing inside me, and I'm grateful for every day I have with him.

But I'm soooo anxious.

I know many moms-to-be get antsy toward the end of their pregnancy. They pray for the end to come quickly so they can hold their babies in their arms and get on with the business of being a mom.

But I want it to be over now.

That sounds so terrible, I know. Again, it's not that I don't appreciate and savor the fact that I'm such an important part of this miracle of life. It's not that I don't thank God every night for being able to spend yet another day with my lil chip.

But pregnancy is hard.

It's not the joyfest I thought it was going to be. Sure I have a glow about me, but it's from not being able to breathe right, not from some light emanating from within. And yeah, there's that big, beautiful bump I have now. But I've also got bigger feet, a bigger backside and my thighs are now on a first-name basis. Trust me, they barely knew each other before.

And what about the reflux?

ACID REFLUX.

I literally woke up from a coma the other night because I was choking on bile that had surfaced while I slept.

LOVE. IT.

Seriously, I feel bad about not enjoying this pregnancy more. I wish I were having a better time of it, and I realize that I probably have it better than some. I will say that being able to feel my baby boy kick and roll over and hiccup keeps me from totally losing it because I can't bend over or walk fast or sleep laying down.

The truth is that I wouldn't trade any of this for the world. I'm going to have a baby.

I'M HAVING A BABY.

NOW I'm anxious.