Affect & Effect

What a week!

So much has happened in the last 7 days, I almost forgot I'm trying to make a baby!

It began with the death of poor Neda, a victim of the turmoil in Iran. It was followed by the news that the Governor of South Carolina was having an affair with a woman in Argentina - on the state's dime no less. The PrimeTime news special, "Family Secrets: Teen Pregnancy", was a highlight (getting pregnant with triplets at 18?!?!) and let's not forget the back-and-forth that continues between Jon & Kate. Then, to top it all off, there were no less than 5 celebrity deaths, 2 of whom were icons who taught me how to dance and fix my hair, respectively.

Whew!!

I don't have anything intelligent to say about any of it. I'm not writing this post to offer some profound insight on the state of the world today or to lament the passing of any of the icons who left us this week. I just simply wanted to acknowledge that these things happened. That I was

AFFECTED.

I was also affected by all of the amazing blogs I discovered during ICLW (and, SEGUE ...)

I'm really glad I found The Life of Liv and was particulary moved by how wonderful her relationship is with her husband, Marvy. Her story is equally inspiring.

I was introduced to the ABC's by All in God's Time. I love the lightness of her blog. She's got a great attitude.

I also really liked how raw and sarcastic Baby, Interrupted is about her journey toward mommydom.

Those are just a few. Of course, I am always enlightened, moved & inspired by my chicas over at Non-Elusive BFP and Life induces thoughts, mostly random.

It's been a great ICLW for me. Not an iron poster yet, (not even close), but I'm working on it. It's important to have goals, right?

Which brings me to the 'Effect' portion of this post (and, SEGUE again ...)

I'm no activist. Really far from it, actually. But I was inspired by a lot of the blog entries I read over the last week and I feel compelled to give back. I'm on a mission but I'm so passionate about so much that I'm not sure which path to take.

I want to

EFFECT

change.

I'm just not sure what I want to change yet.

So, aside from the obvious baby-makin', sugar-shakin'-down-on-ya goals you have, I'd really love to hear back from you on the things that you're passionate about.

What inspires you to effect change?

Clarification on the Follie Scan

Hey there.

I think I may have glossed over the process a bit in my previous post so I decided to clarify the follie scan protocol Dr. B. had me follow.

Basically I wanted to do the most aggressive protocol possible without having to actually have Hubby come in and submit a sample. I just want to try and make this as natural a process as possible for him.

Anywho, Dr. B. said that the best course of action would be to take Clomid from CD 3 to CD 7, then go in for a follie scan on CD 14. If the follies were present and in full effect, she'd administer a trigger shot then I would go home and boogie down with Hubby.

As it turned out, I ovulated early so no follies showed up on the scan today. Hubby & I had boogied anyway over the last week so there's a chance that we took care of business on our own. However, he was out of town for a couple of the days I felt like I was ovulating so I can't be sure. In any case, if we move on to a 2nd cycle with Clomid I will be using OPK's to make sure that I'm aware of when I ovulate. I will still schedule a follie scan but I may schedule it for sooner rather than later.

I hope that clears it up for everyone just now hearing my story.

Lastly, because I forgot to say this in my last post, please do the ABC's on your own blog and let me know so I can come by and read all about you, k? I love this stuff!!


Happy ICLW!!

ABC's & Follies

So I'm back from the folly scan. As I suspected, the tech told me I had already o'd. I figured as much because all last week my ovaries felt like grapefruits and I was hyper aware of them. Since Sunday, though, the pangs have pretty much dissipated. And, even though I assume my cycle has changed somewhat since the m/c, I pretty much always o'd between CD9 and CD13. Today is CD14.

If this cycle turns out to be a wash, the doc will be calling in a new script for next month & we'll start this ride all over again. Next time - that is, if I'm not already KU ") - I'll also use OPK's. I didn't use them this time around since I just wanted to go in to the folly scan and be surprised at just how many follicles I had. It didn't dawn on me when I scheduled the appointment that I should maybe schedule for CD 10 or so. Anyway, live & learn, right?

So we wait.

(two-week wait)

In the meantime I'm totally stealing an idea I saw on All in God's Time.

It's the ABC's of me and I think a really great way to introduce myself to those who don't already know me.

Here goes...

A/ Artistic - I'm a writer, a singer, an actress, a creator and love any and everything that deals with the Arts.

B/ Brainy - What can I say? I loved school, learning, knowing stuff. I don't know everything about any one thing, but I know at least one thing about (almost) everything. ")

C/ Contagious - That's right, I'm a disease. What I mean is, to know me is to love me. ")

D/ Details - I try very hard to pay attention to the small things because they matter.

E/ Earthy - I love nature. I think there's very little that compares to the smell of the Earth and the whip of the wind. Amazing!

F/ Fertile - I refuse to believe I'm anything but. I name it and claim it daily.

G/ God - Without Him, Nothing is possible.

H/ Honest - I'm honest to a fault. So if you don't want my opinion, you shouldn't ask for it. I am, however, always tactful.

I/ Independent - I've been on my own essentially since I was 14 and I pride myself on being able to thrive in the face of adversity.

J/ Jazz - Love it. Jazz always makes me feel good.

K/ Knowledge - Knowledge is power. Period.

L/ Loyal - I believe loyalty is an enormously powerful trait to possess. A person's ability to be loyal says so much about their character. I don't want people who aren't loyal around me.

M/ Movies - I LOVE movies. Silent film, period pieces, psychological thrillers and foreign flicks are just a few of the genres that intrigue me. I also love sci fi and independent film. I will pretty much watch any movie you put in front of me.

N/ Neo - I'm into anything "Neo-insertwordhere" because I believe everything should be revisited & revamped at some point. Times change. People and circumstances change too so we need to always be able to look at things with fresh eyes.

O/ Open - I try really hard to be open to the fact that everyone is different. Not everyone is going to share my passions or goals or adhere to the ideals to which I adhere. Not everyone is the same and that fact must be respected.

P/ Pet Peeves - Being open notwithstanding, I do have my pet peeves. I have linguistic pet peeves. I have germy-don't-touch-that-without-washing-your-hands pet peeves. I even have pet peeves about closing doors and drawers. And the list goes on. Maybe I should change "N" to "Neurotic". hmmmm ...

Q/ Quirky - See "Pet Peeves".

R/ Reading - I absolutely love to read. I go through at least 2 paperbacks a week. I love getting lost in the imagination of the author.

S/ Sicilian - My culture is Sicilian and I love everything about it. It's a beautiful place that you should visit if you ever get a chance.

T/ Trouble - Yeah, that's me.

U/ Uninhibited - I'm not afraid to say what I think when I think it. That's not always a good thing but it's me. As I mentioned before, I do always try to be tactful.

V/ Voracious - I completely immerse myself in the things I love - marriage, family, work. Whatever it is, if I love it, I'm in it for reals!

W/ Worthy - I am worthy of being everything I deem successful. That means I am worthy of being an author. I'm worthy of being a wife, an artist, an actress. And most importantly, a mother.

X/ Xenophile - I am really intrigued by culture and how cultures can be so different yet so much the same.

Y/ Young-at-heart - I'm pretty much 12 all the time.

Z/ Zany - I mentioned that I'm uninhibited. Well I'm also really random at times. Or at least it comes off that way. Sometimes I've been carrying on the conversation in my head so I may be a few lines of dialogue ahead of whomever I'm speaking with. So my responses may come off completely random. I also just say random things that pop into my head, out loud, even if I'm not in a conversation. Zany, I tell ya!

WHEW!! That's a lot to take it in so let it marinate for a while then feel free to ask me any questions.

Thanks for stopping by!!

ICLW !!

It's that time again ... time to welcome this month's ICLWer's.

To those of you who follow this blog, Welcome back!

To those of you who have stumbled upon this blog for the first time, here's a quick recap of my story:

Hubby & I got engaged in February of 2006 and started TTC right away. By the time we got married in May 2007, still no luck. At that point I decided I needed to be a bit more proactive and started seeking out help from my gyno & others to see what, if any, problems I was facing. One S/A, an HSG, 1 MRI, 4 doctors & countless u/s's later, I discovered that I was burdened with a rather large fibroid, which was blocking my cervix, effectively keeping me from getting pregnant. In November of '08, I had the sucker removed and was elated to learn that I was KU in April of '09. However, my glee was shortlived - I found out I had miscarried. I was six weeks along.

It took me a little bit but I realized that, for me, it wasn't doing any good to be sad. I had to trust in God and know that my steps are ordered by Him and that He would never give me anything that I can't handle.

Now I'm back to TTC. I just finished my first cycle of Clomid and I'll be going in tomorrow for my first 14-day folly scan.

I'm interested in knowing if any of you have gone through the follicle scan process and what exactly it entails. I also have some questions you might be able to answer for me:

What if you have already ovulated? How does that affect the scan?
Can the doc tell if that's happened?
Does that mean this cycle is a wash or can you still be pregnant if you've been active?

Any answers or insights you have are welcome.

Thanks for stopping by and Happy ICLW!!

Juneteenth

Well, it's Friday, and aside from it being the day my beloved was born,
(Happy Birthday, Hubby!), it is also Juneteenth.

For those unfamiliar with it, "Juneteenth is the oldest nationally celebrated commemoration of the ending of slavery in the United States", (www.juneteenth.com), and is observed as Emancipation Day for millions of African Americans across the nation.

Exciting!!

Thinking about what beauty Juneteenth symbolizes made me think about the end of my struggle, my own emancipation from the chains of infertility.

Because it will end.

I am not hopeful.

I am certain.

Because I know in my heart that I was meant to be a mommy. Days like today remind me that all things are possible. That, though I'm struggling through this labyrinth of loss, I'm making progress. I endure. And I will emerge triumphant...

and free.

Day 4

UPDATE:

I was just reviewing the side effects of Clomid and realized that vision problems also sometimes occur. Since yesterday I've been saying how I can't see a dang thing. Hubby & I were at home watching a movie & I was like, I think I need to put my glasses on.

Um, hello! We have a 60 in tv!!

Good grief!
.....................................................................................

So here we are on Day 4 of Clomid and so far, so good.

Echloe mentioned that I would probably only experience the hot flashes versus some of the other extreme side effects and she was right.

Boy, I was strugglin' last night!! I had the A/C blasting and I was still sweating!

I've also had a slight headache for the past day and a half, but that could be due to the fact that I haven't had a latte in 3 days.

But I digress.

The point is that I'm almost done with the Clomid which means that, as I type this, my ovaries are working overtime to produce some big ole follies.

Woot!

Ok, let me float back down to reality for a sec.

I realize that the Clomid may not work this cycle or maybe even at all but it's doing its job at the moment - it's giving me hope. And though I don't want to get too worked up, it's important that I keep my head up and my hopes high (wow, I think that's turning into my own personal mantra). I really believe that a positive attitude is half the battle. At the very least, it can't hurt, right?

I'm very much interested in any info you ladies want to share on the whole Robitussin thing - how & when to use it, etc., so please chime in.

Before I forget, I also want to thank Wiseguy for taking notice of the new blog template. I may still tweak it a bit but I like this format a lot better. The text on the other one was driving me crazy! I'm glad you like it, too.

")

Waiting ...

I did it.

I popped that first pill.

50mg of possibility down the hatch.

Now the waiting begins.

Waiting for the headaches.

the nausea.

the mood swings.

the hot flashes.

Waiting for any sign that sugar will rain down on me someday soon.

Waiting to take pill #2.

CD 1, Roma & Other Random Stuff

It's official. The start of my 1st Clomid-assisted cycle is underway.

Today is CD 1.

I have to say, I'm really excited but also a little disappointed. It's crazy but I swear I've had phantom KU symptoms for a week. I just felt - different. I would have sworn that my ute was stretching. I even (*cringe*) P'd OAS for good measure. I was really hoping it was true but, as luck would have it, the HPT was negative. Honestly, I doubted it for a sec. Well, maybe a bit more than a sec. I figured since I wasn't exactly sure how my cycle had changed after the M/C, I might have just tested too soon.

Well, obviously that's not the case. After a 31-day cycle, AF is back.

The good news is that I can get started on this Clomid protocol. (Exciting!!) So I called and scheduled my day 14 folly scan with Dr. B, (was able to get the exact date & time I requested - awesome!) and I've been instructed to start the Clomid on CD 3. I'll report back later on whether or not I succumb to any S/E's.

So my fellow bloggers. Chime in, please. If you've experienced any crazy S/E's while on Clomid, please feel free to share them in the comments section so I know what to expect, k?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breaking news ... I've been busy researching hotels for my trip to Rome in August. Can't wait!! I actually spend quite a bit of time in Italy & Sicily because my dad lives there, but I don't typically stay in hotels. Since hubby will be coming along for this year's ride, I thought maybe it would be a good idea to find a place where we can retreat to and decompress. Unfortunately, he doesn't speak the language, though I have tried to teach him a few key words, and I think being able to regroup will be a good thing. My search has led me to the Dei Mellini Hotel, not far from Vatican City. (Check it out on tripadvisor.com.) Not too shabby, right?



In other random news, hubby got me a couple of gifts from V.S. on his weekend in Vegas. (So thoughtful, huh?) However, one of them wasn't really something I'd wear so I returned it and now have a big fat credit to use either at the store or online. LOVE V.S.!!




Hmmm, what else? Oh yeah. If you haven't already noticed from the widgets on my blog, I'm a lover of all things Vamp. I was wondering what I was gonna do once Big Love (not Vamp-related but still very good) ended and HBO was kind enough to deliver the new season of True Blood to me just in time. Thanks, HBO!




So that's it for today pretty much. We're going through 'June Gloom' here in "sunny So-Cal" but I'm hoping the sun will peek through and inspire me to write something simply fantastic. Not likely, but I'm supposed to be trying to have a more positive outlook so we'll just say the forecast calls for a 20% chance of sun but a 90% chance of sugar rain.

Have a great day!

Honest Scrap Award

The lovely Echloe @ Non-Elusive BFP honored me with the Honest Scrap Award. Thanks, lady!!

(The crowd goes wild and there's confetti everywhere. No. Really.)

Having had this honor bestowed upon me, it is now my duty to share 10 honest things about myself. So, in no particular order, here they are:

1. I am a reality TV JUNKIE! I love it! Can’t get enough of it. (So glad I got that off my chest! hee hee!)

2. I only go to Vegas to lay around by the pool and read magazines. I hardly ever gamble.

3. My love for my husband borders on obsession, even after 10 years together.

4. I’m a vocabulary snob. I studied Latin for 6 years in school so I’m sort of like a walking dictionary. I get really peeved when someone misuses or misspells a word. However, typos are welcome. “)

5. I’m in the process of writing my first novel and could use all the nudging and support my pals in the blogosphere care to offer.

6. I LOVED high school.

7. I’m ambidextrous and can write backwards, too.

8. I have 8 brothers and sisters.

9. I’m totally afraid of success.

10. I wish I had abs like Mel B of the Spice Girls. (You’ll either have to take my word for it or check her out on TMZ today. Crazy!)

The rest of the Honest Scrap Award rules are to give this award to 7 other bloggers whose blogs are brilliant in design or content, show the 7 winners’ names on your blog and leave a comment informing them that they have been awarded Honest Scrap.

And the winners are: (drumroll, please)

Queenie @ Baby, Borneo or Bust

Chicklet @ Bloorb

Beautiful Mess @ Life Induces thoughts, mostly random

Wiseguy @ Woman Anyone?

Echloe @ Non-Elusive BFP

ajvann @ Making The Vann's

Barefoot @ Barefoot and Not Pregnant

But don't take my word for it. You be the judge. Check out these blogs and congratulate these fabulous bloggers yourself while you're there.